Rant!!

i understand what i'm here for.
everyone needs the happy agent in their life.
for the past 14 years of my life, i have been hiding my unhappiness to bring happiness to all of you people out there.
someone needs the unpleasant job. i guess i got it.
the other day, i had a conversation with someone who said i should take myself into consideration. but i replied that sometimes, you, yourself, and your being needs to come last.
the only obligation i have left to stay here is to help brighten up as many people's lives as possible.
the person i was speaking to then commented that he had no idea how to help me. since he rarely did anything out of the 'goodness of his heart'.
i sighed and said i regarded what i did as lying to the world, which just made me feel worse.
clearly feeling worse doesn't bode well for me, since i began getting very, very high on sugar.
either way.
yes. i hate the very reason of my existence here.
i bet that didn't make sense.
but whatever. hey it's necessary sometimes.
which is why i'm doing it...
it's just necessary, it has to be.
it has to be me.