Rant!!

i wish you'd understand.
if i could have changed the way things had turned out, i would.
i wish you didn't try my patience.
why must you try their patience? why can't you just comply?
s this your way of getting attention?
i've considered all the possibilities.
but i can't think of many that can relate to why you're doing this.
tell me, and i'll listen.
what's troubling you? can't you trust me?
we're on the same side.
don't ignore your ally. tell me, and maybe we can work something out.
don't you understand?
it's very simple. no drinking, staying out late or past 11:30, things like that.
it's easy. just play y the rules, and you'll win the game.
isn't it simple enough?
clearly not to you.

Rant!!

well, it's all over.
the tizzle at home, friends, everything.
now that everything's aside, i think i might finally ontemplate serious suicide.
sigh.
why must my life constantly try me over and over again. i'm pushing my limits here.
when will the tormenting stop.
even after the problem has been forgotten and the aftermah is being dealt with, my focus still lies on the problem.
the chaos it has caused, and the trouble i go through.
why.
just answer the question, and i will tolerate this immense pain in silence.
just answer.
answer me.

Rant!!

i understand what i'm here for.
everyone needs the happy agent in their life.
for the past 14 years of my life, i have been hiding my unhappiness to bring happiness to all of you people out there.
someone needs the unpleasant job. i guess i got it.
the other day, i had a conversation with someone who said i should take myself into consideration. but i replied that sometimes, you, yourself, and your being needs to come last.
the only obligation i have left to stay here is to help brighten up as many people's lives as possible.
the person i was speaking to then commented that he had no idea how to help me. since he rarely did anything out of the 'goodness of his heart'.
i sighed and said i regarded what i did as lying to the world, which just made me feel worse.
clearly feeling worse doesn't bode well for me, since i began getting very, very high on sugar.
either way.
yes. i hate the very reason of my existence here.
i bet that didn't make sense.
but whatever. hey it's necessary sometimes.
which is why i'm doing it...
it's just necessary, it has to be.
it has to be me.

Rant!!

is it so hard to accept me for who i am?
i am a girl.
i am 14.
i have alot of issues, and was, therefore, self mutilating.
i am not very pretty, i am reasonably tall, and i am thin.
i am a moody person.
i am deeper than you think.
i have a split personality.
i want a rainbow in my pocket.
i am in need of friends. i only have... 1...2...3...
... 3. 3 that i can trust. come on. that's not nearly the best social net i have there.
i miss speaking with no takebacks.
i want someone to like me.
i want someone to love me. is it that goddamned hard to get someone to love me? god, stupid question.
............................................................................
i think i'll become quieter from now on. if no one knows about what i'm thinking, they won't be able to rebuke it.
becoming quieter...
there's a solution hard to resist.

Rant!!

yes. i am back.
it's been a long time.
not really, a relatively short time.
and i've experience loss, heartbreak, loneliness, betrayal and manipulation during this time of absense.
but that's ok, because all these feelings are nothing if i am experiencing them for the people whom are important to me.
...
nothing.

Ps; wan, please don't do anything foolish. talk it out. i'm sure you'll be ok. you know what's going on in my life, and how much crap that is. i hope you're not going through the same, but either way, just please stay sane and look at things in a logical way.